Something for Free

If I opened my inbox on one otherwise unassuming Monday morning and discovered an email entitled “Something for Free,” I might ignore the message as yet another piece of unwanted cyber-junk mail. But not this morning. This morning was different from all of the other mornings that all look this same on the outside. Unlike the 1,612 other Monday mornings I have lived, this morning had a costume on. It was shiny, bright, and bell-jingly just like I imagine my own personal court jester might be. Yes, this morning was special. But I had no idea why…until I opened my inbox.

Among the cluttered pile of MySpace notices and e-ads rested a message containing the most potent three-word phrase known to capitalists the whole world around. My breath caught midway between inhale and exhale. Could this be? Is this a hoax? Despite the known risks, the promise of “Something for Free” was just too great to discard. What if I could really get something (what that something is doesn’t matter) for free? Who doesn’t like free stuff? I’ve had a rough few weeks, I thought to myself. I deserve something for free. This has to be God’s way of sprinkling fairy dust in my direction. (I’m also going through something of a spiritual reinvention.)

My hand hovered over my mouse, savoring the suspense for a few moments longer. Sure, I’ve had my share of complimentary gifts. Perfume samples, company notebooks, even the occasional USB storage device (I can almost hear the jealousy percolating) have found their way into my always available pockets. But this email held a fresh and new promise. “Something” could be anything – a winning Powerball ticket, a sailboat signed by the Rolling Stones, a vintage box of Frosted Flakes, even a date with Tad Hamilton. The possibilities were positively endless…

Wait. Freezing, I realized that once I click on this email, I’ll know. The possibilities will no longer be endless. The possibilities will suddenly be…known. I’ll be ahead by two free admissions to Wall Drug or a vial of sandy Maryland ocean water but my Something will have become something.

With a deep exhale, I shift the mouse and lift my right index finger to click. Deleting an email has never felt so good.